The Scandal

My last post was almost 9 years ago. The events that I told in that post happened 15 years ago. Wow.

I have always insisted that it is better to write looking backwards, after digesting what really happened. But that's too much. I will try to catch up with what happened since then.
And I will focus on the metal band's story.

Back to 2010 then:

The band was struggling with their new vocalist. The guy was an amazing singer, multi-instrumentalist,     composer, and producer, but he was terrible on stage. He looked like the neighborhood plumber, wore nonsignificant sweaters on stage, and he had stage freight. On top of that, the fans never stopped comparing him to the former vocalist who was like a saint to them, and that did not help his confidence.

He also lacked basic stage manners. he sang most of the set facing the drums, turning his ass to the audience, and he sometimes acted like a complete rookie, like asking for beer on stage over the mic.

All those would be OK, but then, the scandal erupted.

This new singer was one of those guys who refused to be a cog in the wheel, did not have a stable job, frequently ended up penniless and crashed on a friends' coaches. He was in such a period when he joined the band, and stayed with this best friend, who was there all through his life, who was also the guitarist of his first band I had told about. This guitarist even came to the stadium show to support his friend on his first day with the band. His gorgeous wife was also there.
A few weeks later, we found out that the guitarist kicked him out, and his wife, both of whom he had caught in the act!!!

Rumors spread rapidly, and of course, everyone was on the side of the guitarist. This became the favorite gossip topic of the industry for a while, and certain people turned their back to the vocalist, and hence, the band because of this.

The Vocalist and the ex-wife have been together for 16 years now. They are one of the happiest and most in-love couples that I have ever known. 

That's the spirit!

Do you remember that scene from Almost Famous, when William comes home after a tour, puts the Do Not Disturb sign -from who knows which hotel- on his door, walks towards his bed, his arms wide open like he just wants to hug his bed so much, struggling to take these final couple of steps to his bed, and finally crashes onto it, then falls asleep instantly?

That's exactly how I was after that last tour I told you about. You don't comprehend how tired and exhausted you actually are until you arrive home. And believe me, tour fatigue is like nothing else. You want to just sleep for days, and sometimes you really do.

So after sleeping for God knows how long, I went to Jenny's to learn about what happened. The production manager had written her a long mail about how he didn't want to be a part of this crew anymore, how dysfunctional the whole system was, how the tour turned into a nightmare as the Queen did not direct her questions or concerns about the whole production to one single person (himself), but instead, she held "meetings" aftershow, and crushed the whole team, one crew member at a time. When Jenny forwarded this email to the Queen (later I found out that this was never the plan, that he had sent this mail as a report to Jenny, and the Queen was not supposed to read it), she got even more angry and told Jenny all these were happening because she couldn't do her job and manage everything better. That's when Jenny decided to leave. But before she could take a step, the Queen went to LA as usual, so everything was put on hold once again.

In the middle of all this drama, I got a job offer from the promotion company that I had worked earlier as the venue backstage manager. They were promoting a national tour of a great popstar, who was Justin Timberlake of here (but 12 years older than JT).  They asked me to work as the tour coordinator. I would be in charge of all the transportation, accommodation, itineraries and backstage.
The artist crew consisted of 38 people!
They had assistants of assistants, stylists, hair dressers, and even one person in charge of printing the setlist! 5 people were doing the job that I did by myself at the Queens' gigs.
Everyone except the technical crew stayed at single rooms, they had crazy last-minute flight requests, their backstage rider included 1 bottle of Jack Daniel's per musician for each show, and they also requested the latest PS and also games in all the tour busses and in some of the hotel rooms.

I was also in charge of all the travel arrangements of the sponsor company team. This proved to be a lucrative task as I got to meet many people from upper management of this huge company. One of them was a very charismatic woman who left her job in the corporate world a few months after this tour, went backpacking through South America for 6 months, came back and became the manager of one of the biggest rock bands, and offered me a job just because she had seen how I worked at this tour. But I will tell about this later.

I designed a great backstage area for this tour. I had all the trailers perfectly prepared as per the rider, and created a large open-air area for all the teams to connect and have a good time before, during and after the show. The backstage looked like this:

As always, I kept comparing this Popstar to my Queen. Especially following our horrible tour, I was fascinated by the attitudes of every single person in this Popstar's crew. Starting with the artist himself, everyone was constantly having fun, and spreading joy. Yes, they had exaggerated requests, and the promotion company was not happy with my budget breakdowns at the end of each show, but I felt that they deserved absolutely the best, and I wanted to keep them happy. Despite having such a crowded crew, they had many problems about the planning and schedules, so I stepped in and actually worked as their tour manager, got closer to the crew, and started getting invited to their after parties in the hotel rooms. I joined them a few times, but most of the time I was busy doing the accounting in my hotel room while they were holding drunk dance contests.

In the middle of the tour, we had a problem with one of the hotels. The king suite the artist always stayed was not available, and they offered a different suite. I had notified the artist party about that, and they said they would try to fix this directly with the hotel. Then I found out that they couldn't.

When the artist arrived, I reminded his assistant that a different suite was prepared for him. It was clearly the first time the artist heard about it.

He was not happy with this, but he said "It's OK, I'm absolutely sure that if this could have been fixed, my manager would fix it. If he couldn't, no one could." I had never witnessed this kind of gratitude and trust by an artist towards his manager. 

I remember thinking "That's the spirit! That's how it should be!"

It was a wonderful tour, and another valuable experience for me. 

And when it was over, I was like this, one more time:

That intense, difficult, unforgettable, amazing tour

It was the summer of 2010, and there we were, on the first day of yet another long, intense tour, which we knew would be rewarding and consuming at the same time.

I was preparing the trailer that we used as the Queen's dressing room all through the tour when she arrived hours before the show. She showed me in great detail how to set up her make-up case, told me to place a small trash bin on her right hand side, and a clock on the left. 2 glasses in front of the mirror, one half filled with water, the other reserved for eye shadow brushes. Next to them, I had to get her ice-cold diet coke and ashtray ready. Q-tips, Vicks and Vocalzone would be on the other side of the table. She showed me how each brush, blusher, palette and foundation needed to be placed on a paper towel, told me to check that all the light bulbs were working before she came to the venue, and I had to have both the air conditioner and two small fans ready at all times. Although she normally leaves her hotel room just 45 minutes before the stage time, ready from tip to toe, in this tour she wanted to come to the venue earlier, drink coffee and chat with crew members, other artists, and guests, if any, and get ready in her trailer, while listening to the opening bands singing to a huge crowd, front lines kept by the Queen's fans as soon as the doors open every day.
She had a few sets of stage clothes, and she would let me know which one she was going to wear the night before, so that I could arrange the dry cleaning, or iron her clothes in the trailer myself.

She was amazing, charming and beautiful no matter how she looked, but it was that time of her life when she was the chubbiest, and she didn't feel great on the inside, as well. That's the only logical explanation of how she looked on the first night. She wore a wig which looked ingloriously fake and obvious, and a denim vest and short, baggy denim trousers. She came out of her room just 5 minutes before the show, looked me in the eye, and asked how she looked. I couldn't get myself to say that she wasn't looking great, and instead I just remained silent and made this:
¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
I could see that she regretted her choice that moment,  but there was absolutely no time for a change. So she went on stage, feeling uncomfortable in her own skin. All the pictures taken on that show have been used hundreds of times on the press, and I'm sure she hated every time she saw them. Later she explained how she loved that I just couldn't lie, and decided to trust me even more.

During that tour, she was really not herself, and she was full of rage and anger with everyone. She came down from stage stairs frustrated every time, sat on that beautifully prepared table with candles, after show snacks, lots of drinks and champagne, and everyone would get a scold in that table, in front of everyone. Everyone, including the other artists and crews right in the next table heard about the incapabilities of our crew, and it happened almost every night. This issue became one of the industry's favorite gossips at the time.
She especially gave Jenny a hard time after every show whenever she joined us, asking about every little detail that went wrong, and requesting explanations for momentary mistakes like opening the spotlight a few seconds late during her speech, or inevitable bad jokes of nature, like the wind changing its direction right before the show, and generator smoke going directly to stage.
Needless to say, she was always so hard on her band as well. Sometimes she even didn't wait until the show was over, and gave that infamous furious looks to the band members whenever they played a wrong note on stage. Visual artists were already struggling to avoid showing her belly, jowl, or side arms on the giant screens, and now they also had to cut these angry looks to the band.

Working under such stress was not easy, believe me. That intense, electric air on stage and in general reflected on every other aspect, and every one of us started doing mistakes we wouldn't normally do. After I forgot to check the bulbs, and of course, one of them failed, she picked on me for hours, and kept talking about it even after the show. And what's more, I was also yelled at because I was upset and and it showed on my face.
I wasn't making all these a big deal, because I was also the one witnessing how she regretted everything she said at the end of the night, and burst into tears while trying to pack her suitcase just before we would leave for the hotel. She talked to me about how she couldn't focus on stage, thinking that she knew Jenny would be crying somewhere at that time because of something she said to her, calling her on stage in between the songs. She was upset that her latest album wasn't a big success, she thought her shows weren't as good as they used to be, the crowd wasn't huge enough for her, and she was blaming everyone else but herself for this, while knowing the absolute truth deep inside. In fact, she was worrying for nothing. The shows were great, the audience was fantastic, and she was, just like she has been for years, the biggest female singer of this country. She just needed to enjoy what she'd been living in.
Being that tight-lipped, discreet girl that I was, who was also terribly scared of saying something wrong, I couldn't say all these when she cried in the trailer when everyone else had left. I just said things like "Don't think like that, the show was amazing, I noticed the part you sang differently tonight, and it was magical, you gave me chills!" I guess that helped, too.

The worst part of that tour was not all those stressed after-show moments. The nightmare began when we started traveling to the southern part of the country, where the temperatures were crazy and we weren't used to the local food. Everyone in the crew started getting sick with heavy diarrhea, vomiting, and fainting due to fatigue. First a few stage hands had it. Then the managers, the band members, sponsors, promoter, and finally, the artists. At some point, even the paramedics touring with us were applying IV to themselves, and then we had to cancel a couple of shows. I tried to endure as long as I could, as I was usually the one arranging the ambulance, or IV sessions in the hotel rooms, which turned into infirmaries, but after a point, I was down with it as well.

After having a much-needed rest for a few days, the tour continued and we finally reached the final part, which was in beautiful, sunny cities with great beaches and a lot of partying.
Getting ready backstage, in her trailer had become the Queen's second favorite part of the day. She would arrive when the first opening band would sing that ballad we both loved a lot, which had a beautiful story, and she would be ready to start her make up when the rapper greeted the audience saying "I know most of you are here for the Queen, but I salut you, my rocker friends, let's have some fun!" I liked watching her giggle on the mirror, every time he did different versions of this sentence on stage.

By the end of this tour, I and the Queen had grown much, much closer together, and I had learnt hell of a lot. Jenny, on the other hand, had had enough, and after submitting the production manager's resignation letter to the Queen, she decided to leave, too.

Next: That's the spirit!

The Checklist

Festivals are huge here. There is particularly one touring festival sponsored by Coca Cola, which brings the top artists together every year, and tours the whole country. It is always perfectly planned. Hundreds of crew members of these artists/bands stay at the best hotels, fly with the best airways, there are two stages, one of which is being dismantled while the other is being built in the next city, and there's always top-notch production in every one of the 20 shows in 30 days.
The Queen was one of these top 3 artists in the summer of 2010, along with a great rapper (I have memorized all of his songs in this tour), and a young band, which was the Coldplay of here.

Jenny was pregnant with her second child, and she didn't join us in this tour in every leg. She appointed another colleague, who was originally a production manager, and unlike the annoying couple she had authorized on her behalf at another tour, this guy didn't bother me at all. Because this time, I had no doubts about my position, and he respected my experience and hard work.

We, as the Queen crew, had to be at our best for this tour. She had zero tolerance for any mistakes whatsoever. So I prepared the following checklist for this tour:

1. Inform the crew about the dates [ ]
2. Explore transportation options [ ]
3. Prepare the rooming list and send to promoter [ ]
4. Prepare the flight list and send to promoter [ ]
5. Prepare the tourbook including general info and daily itineraries, and email to the band & crew [ ]
7. Prepare a less detailed version, and send it to the artist [ ]
8. Buy necessary medications (first-aid kit, painkillers, Alka Seltzer!!, etc.) sufficient for the whole tour [ ]
9. Call the hotel and double-check the booking for all, and special requests for the Artist's room [ ]
10. List local transportation times, and send to the promoter [ ]
11. Do the online check-in for flights exactly 24 hours before the flight, get the front seats for economy [ ]
12. Register frequent flyer miles for everyone after completing the check-in [ ]
13. Get print-outs of backstage rider, rooming list, and local transportations [ ]
14. Give wake-up calls to the everyone in case of early flights [ ]
15. Print boarding passes, or go to the airport and get them from the kiosk [ ]
16. Distribute passcards, tourbooks and boarding passes at the airport [ ]
17. Get the driver info for airport-hotel transportation, call before boarding to double-check [ ]
18. Call the hotel 15 minutes before the arrival, and complete the check-in for everyone while they wait in the lobby or at breakfast [ ]
19. Remind transportation times to the first technical crew, let the second crew know in case of any delays [ ]
20. Give transportation print-outs to the drivers [ ]
21. Do the online check-in for the next morning's flight [ ]
22. Go to the venue with the second crew, and make sure the dressing rooms are being prepared[ ]
23. Make sure the band leaves the hotel on time for the soundcheck, and use the backstage rider to check if the dressing rooms are ready [ ]
24. Go to the entrance during soundcheck to meet the fans who came early, receive their gifts if any [ ]
25. Collect that night's invitees from everyone, and send to the promoter [ ]
26. Hold a security meeting, inform them about the meet&greet and general requirements [ ]
27. Have setlist print-outs [ ]
28. Be ready at the dressing rooms 30 minutes before the band&artist arrives, do the final checks [ ]
29. During the concert, always be in the eye-sight of the roadies, help them if they need or ask anything [ ]
30. Oversee the pyro operators (this later turned into "Do the pyros -laser, fire, CO2, confetti, comet- in 10 songs") [ ]
31. Call the hotel to inform them about the after-show soup arrangement, make sure they prepare a huge table for the whole crew [ ]
32. Check the backstage during the last song to make sure the dressing rooms are clean and ready, prepare the artist's after-show coffee and Alka Seltzer [ ]
33. Arrange meet&greet, pick the ones to come backstage [ ]
34. Inform everyone if there will be a soup service at the hotel [ ]
35. Arrange wake-up calls for all the rooms for the next morning [ ]
36. Inform the driver about next morning's airport departure times [ ]
37. Help the Artist pack all her suitcases before she goes to bed [ ]
38. Arrange the Artist's VIP car to pick her up at the airport [ ]
39. Oversee the hotel check-out (make sure everyone pays their extras) [ ]
40. Get and distribute the boarding passes at the airport [ ]
41. Call the Artist's VIP car on arrival [ ]

Oh I loved this checklist. I madly enjoyed doing everything written here.
There was a reason why each and every item was there. Most of them were things that were forgotten or ignored in the course of the day in the past, and caused serious problems.
After 3 years of experience, lots of fucking-up and learning from mistakes, I was now ready to work with all my heart, and enjoy every moment of that tour.
But things didn't turn out that way. I was fine, and did everything right, but it turned out to be a horrible tour for everyone.

Next: That intense, difficult, unforgettable, amazing tour 

Letting him go

So, the decision was made. We would let the vocalist go, as he wouldn't be able to handle that lifestyle soon - he wasn't really doing good anyway - and he had to focus on his health.

I try to find even a tiny sparkle of any compassion at all during that period, but unfortunately I can't find any. I now ask to myself, why didn't anyone talk about how that was exactly the time we had to support him, instead of giving up on him just because he was sick? Why didn't I tell anything? Did I even look at what was going on in this perspective? No.. Inexplicably, I thought I was just there to do what I was told, and tried to keep low profile. In the end, it was absolutely the band's choice, and I didn't really have a say in this. I trusted them more than myself, and didn't really question their decision.

I received an email from Jenny telling me to put the press release on our website. It read something like "We are very sorry to inform everyone that our dear vocalist is parting ways with us due to his newly diagnosed MS illness. Our upcoming festival show will be our last with him. We thank him and wish him a speedy recovery blah blah.."

Years later, I learnt that this was how the vocalist found out he was no longer with the band.
He was already confused, scared, and basically a mess after finding out that he had an incurable disease that may cause him lose all his physical abilities, including singing. He had just talked to the bass player on the phone about how this would affect the band, and they had to talk and make some decisions. A few days later, he saw this. Can you imagine what a crushing moment that must have been?

On the other hand, we, the cold-hearted metal band entourage, were thinking of who the new vocalist might be. Jenny was dreaming of holding auditions, and turning this into a great event, maybe kind of a series we could broadcast online?! (The band would never accept turning it into a TV show, otherwise that would be Jenny's ultimate best scenario, but YouTube was also good enough)
The news also took the local music media by storm, and everyone was suggesting names as the new vocalist. Music critics were writing about how the former vocalist was in fact one of a kind and almost irreplaceable. In heavy metal bars, singers of cover bands were telling their friends how much they would love to sing in that band, how they had been a fan for years. There were rumors that the band also liked one of those cover band singers a lot and they were thinking of him.
That was not true, the band had already found someone.

There was this great band in the scene almost a decade ago. They released 2 albums and all their songs were in English. They sounded so good that everyone thought it was an international band at first. They had a very loyal, very enthusiastic fanbase, and I was one of them. I went to almost all their concerts. I used to enjoy watching the singer singing Would? in the encore at the end of their shows,  the lights would be dimmed, and he would be lost in the song, smoking, his eyes closed... He also had a trip-hop side project, and whatever he sang, he turned it into something wonderful and magical.
That successful band had tried hard, recorded their second album in LA and shot a video there, they did everything they could, but they just couldn't make it, and the band split up. They became one of these cult bands, at the top of all "The most underrated bands..." lists.

In another meeting at the guitarist's video production company's office, the band told us who the new singer would be. Jenny's first reaction was "Who the hell is that?!" Mine was a silent, huge smile first, and then an excited "Oh my god, that's wonderful!!" But what mattered would be the fans' reaction.
Then we decided that upcoming huge festival show would be the former vocalist's last show, and the new one's first. The festival stage they would play was dedicated to Ronnie James Dio who was supposed to be the headliner of the festival, but we had lost him a few weeks earlier. And the band decided to cover some of his songs as a tribute in the second part of their set, and the new vocalist would sing.

The festival day was very emotional. The band had prepared a great video to be shown on huge led screens on stage with the visuals of former vocalist. He was on stage on his final show, singing flawlessly as always, but his illness had progressed already and he was having a hard time standing up. It was a sad performance, and a perfect way to say him good-bye, with 50 thousand people singing along with him, cheering "we-love-you!"  When the first half of the set was over, he announced the new vocalist, and came backstage trying to hold his tears.

The new vocalist gave rolls and rolls of huge papers to the roadie just before he was about to go on stage. He had written the lyrics of Heaven and Hell and Holy Diver. But even they didn't help, he went on stage, 50 thousand people cheered for him for the first time in his life, and he lost it. He could not sing, tried to hold the mic towards the crowd and all, he even pretended the mic was not working, but he just couldn't sing! The former vocalist was sitting next to me, we just looked at each other in despair.

The first reaction of the fans to the new vocalist was "Who the fuck is he?!" And that didn't change for years. Things were never the same for the band.

The former vocalist did just fine. He tried alternative medicine, meditation, and going to healers for this MS, and it worked. It has been more than 5 years now since his diagnose, and he didn't lose any of his abilities. He released his solo album, and played acoustic sets in small venues, packed with the band's former fans.
The band, on the other hand, had to say goodbye to big stages and huge festivals along with his former singer. They had to use a prompter in all of their concerts because this new singer had a good voice, but not a good memory. They lost most of their fans, and all the remaining ones asked was when the former vocalist would return.

Next: The Checklist

Back to the story

My last two posts were kind of a sneak-peak to what happens next, but I need to continue telling the story, picking up where I had left.

So, after the Alka Seltzer incident, which was in early 2010, we were busy working with the metal band for a while.

It had been 2 years since they released their live DVD, which became the second best selling concert DVD of all time in the country's music history (the first one was Queen's), and the logical next step would be releasing a new album after this successful come back, celebrating the band's 20th anniversary.
But things were not going great within the band. They were far from creating new stuff, let alone releasing a new record.
This wonderful, amazingly talented vocalist of the band, whose voice was always compared to that of Bruce Dickinson, who had a very friendly, warm, and beautiful soul had lately become the laziest person on earth. He did not show up to rehearsals, frequently fell off while walking, or needed to sit down behind amplifiers between songs on stage, drinking a lot, and he was just not really "there", both physically and mentally.

In this mindset, we were having a terrible summer season concert-wise. Like the problems within the band weren't enough, we frequently had to face with non-paying promoters that summer, which made everything worse.
Due to the recent success of open air festivals, all the promoters decided it would be a good idea to arrange 2-3 day long festivals with camping, big stages, 20 emerging bands with 2 headliners, hoping that it would be like winning the lottery for them. Some did pretty well and gathered around 15k people, but most were either cancelled or had to face a big loss, causing the promoter's bankruptcy. The local scene is full of such failure stories, in which the promoter sells his parent's house to pay his debts, and takes a 9 to 5 job at the end, or runs away and no one hears from him ever again.

Jenny booked the metal band for one of such festivals. She was somehow convinced that this one would be different. She had also started working with one of the up-and-coming young bands, and they were enjoying that next milestone in their career (-Work with a famous and professional manager when your 2nd album is as successful as the 1st one, - Check!), unaware of what a mess they had got into.
So I arranged everything related to these two bands for the festival, checked in them to their hotels, and went to the festival site with Jenny. It was a mess!
There were literally only 15-20 tents in the camping site, this huge festival area was 90% empty, and everyone backstage was arguing.
Backline company was complaining about the security not doing their job, stagehands were frustrated as there was no catering, or anyone in charge of the backstage, and food&drink stands were in a complete chaos as well. Jenny calmly looked at the situation, talked to everyone from the sound and lighting company, security, production team etc. to understand what the problem was, and announced she was holding a meeting in 30 minutes at the hotel. Someone from each of these teams, other artist managers, and the promoter attended.
It felt nice for everyone to get out of that crazy-tense backstage, gather around a table, have a coffee and calmly talk about what the problem was, and how they could solve it.
In fact, Jenny set all the mood, and didn't really give chance to anyone to speak. She already knew almost everyone in the room, and she started giving a great speech explaining how this festival in fact had to be cancelled long ago, but now it was too late and although not many, there were already fans who paid to listen to their favorite artist or band. She explained how everyone had to be more emphatetic to one another, how we all had the same goal of creating a good show, and a good festival. She also talked on the promoter's behalf, who was a mess, not because everything about the festival was falling apart, but because he had lost his dog a few hours ago because he had forgot him inside the car while trying to manage this crisis. But he was still there, telling everyone to please continue doing their job, that he would pay all he could, and promised to pay the remaining amount later. He was not crying after everything he was going through, he was numb.
It was Jenny who cried. She closed the meeting by crying about how her father had cancer, that anything could happen to any of us, and that we had to support each other. Everyone left the room telling Jenny and the promoter not to get upset, that they would put all their teams back into work, and that they would make this festival happen. After everyone left, Jenny wiped her eyes, burst out a laughter, winking me and asking how she did. I had goosebumps in that meeting, despite everything, I had witnessed her amazing problem-solving talent again, and it was very impressive.
That festival happened, the bands played to approximately 250 people, but no one (including the artists) got paid that day, or any other day for all that hard work.
The metal band had one of their worst concerts that day. The vocalist was obviously in pain, but it didn't stop him from drinking a bottle of gin on stage.

When his backaches became unbearable after we returned home, we went to hospital together for MRI, thinking that he had hernia, joking that they were now officially old. Things turned out to be much different than that.
It turns out, all those things were happening because he had MS (Multiple Sclerosis).
This disease has multiple forms and stages, but it basically gradually damages the nervous system's communication to the whole body, and causes those with MS to lose their ability to move or use their body parts. Thankfully, the vocalist's case was in early stages and controllable, but it still restricted him in many ways. Standing up on stage was one of the things he wouldn't be able to do soon.

As he didn't join the band meetings lately, in one of the meetings in Jenny's house, the band started talking about what to do seriously for the first time. They were at their prime, they didn't want to stop. The right thing to do was obvious. He had to go. We have this conversation on tape, but of course, I have never seen it. I don't need to, I have that evening as clearly as it was yesterday in my mind. While everyone was telling how they felt it was impossible to continue with him, and they had to find a new vocalist, the bass player turned to me and asked me what I thought they should do. I was shocked, I wasn't really expecting that question and now, everyone was looking at me. I was busy with observing and enjoying the moment, and I didn't think my opinion mattered. They said it did.
I said it was a no brainer. That everything was so clear, and that he had to go.
I regret it to this day.

Next: Letting him go

The domino effect

You remember the very beginning, how I first started working at concerts, right?

As I had mentioned, a close friend of mine was the promoter of a huge heavy metal event in 2004, and when I had asked him if he needed any help, he said I could help in hospitality and catering if I wanted to. It was not even a proper offer, and my question was in fact just out of courtesy, anyway.
Just a simple conversation while drinking with friends at a bar changed the direction of my life, a 21 year-old collage girl who just loved music. How amazing is that?

Now fast forward 7 years, to 2011.
I was working as the tour backstage manager of the Queen, the biggest female rock star of the country. Her new album was just released, we were touring extensively, the band and crew were at their best, bonding even closer as the years passed by. Everything was just perfect. Except her manager, Jenny.

She had many characteristics. Being one of the most well-known "successful" managers in the local music industry, having exceptional skills and a refined taste in stage production design, talking too much and too loudly and mostly about herself, and being absolutely, utterly inaccessible whenever she wanted were some of those things that made her who she was.
Everyone in the crew had a bitter story with her, and the one with the most stories was the Queen.
She wanted to stop working with her, but she was that experienced, popular, familiar manager, and wasn't easy to replace. Just as this issue was on the hold, but everyone was already talking about how she had to go, and we would just do that one last concert with Jenny, and then things would change.. a horrible thing happened.
The Queen's mother suddenly died.
We all learnt about it during the soundcheck of that particular concert. I was the one standing in front of her door at the hotel, with a room card in my hand to open the door and hug her the moment I got the cue that she had found out.
It was horrible. For my Queen, "first the heartbeat stopped, then the time".
For us, beside sharing her pain and trying to be there for her, it meant cancellation of many shows, and another 3 months of ambiguity about the Jenny situation.

But the life went on.
That friend of mine, the promoter who was my first boss, was now the promoter of another very big rock concert. He had booked a world-famous band of 30 years, whose songs we all know and love. He wanted the Queen as the only opening act for this concert. That would be convenient as the bass player of that band was a close friend of hers. They had met in Los Angeles, on one of those summers she moved to LA to relax, write new songs, go to big concerts and explore the local scene and the night life. And they kept in touch since.
So the promoter called Jenny, but again, she was impossible to reach. So after too many ignored phone calls, texts, and emails, he asked me, if she would do it. He was dreaming of getting them to perform a song together on stage, and bringing her together with the band in a studio for rehearsals. And he was talking on and on about those spectacular, world-wide PR opportunities it would create. (Ok I admit, we were at a bar again :))

Oh I was so excited! It would be perfect. This collaboration would mean so much..

I called Jenny, she didn't reply as usual, so I wrote directly to Queen, informing her about the offer.
She said she would love to, and that she would call me about the details.

This collaboration never happened.
But Queen's call the next day was the toppler of the first domino stone. Then, the others kept falling one by one, paving the way, and leading me to where I am now.

The last stone fell a few hours ago. And I left the Queen today.

Next: Back to the story

Those were the days

It's been so long since I wrote my last post. Today, a very dear friend of mine reminded me of this blog.
As you know, I'm trying to keep my blog a secret, and I write anonymously. This friend is one of those very few people I trusted with opening up how my true self went through all of the things I tell here. So I shared this link with him.

I remember telling him about this blog the very first time. We had met through the Queen, and all the stories I tell here were very relevant to him, as he was the bass player of a very popular band.
We were out with friends one night, and after we talked about this blog and I sent him the link, he said he had so much to do and had to go home. He texted me his first reactions to every single post all night, telling how he couldn't stop reading.
People who are not shy about appreciating others are always those you'd want to be around, trust me.

We had met  two years ago at the annual party of a music magazine. All the music business people, and most of the artists were there.
My dear Queen was also invited, and we went there together in one of those nights were were out, partying. She was at a strange phase in her life. She had lost her mother 6 months ago, and following a deep grief, -all five stages of it- she had decided all that mattered in life was having a good time with your loved ones. She went through a complete transformation: she cut her hair very short, changed her mood significantly, and started going out almost every night, having fun and making people have hell of a good time. She always asked me to come, and I accepted gladly.
So started the days I partied the most in my life.
We had a deal which was never spoken: I was always having so much fun, but I avoided being very drunk on those nights. She always knew she could count on me.

He was on stage with his band that night, rocking out to some of their hits on their debut album. 24 years old, he was enjoying being the bass player and composer of all the songs of the band, which were right at the top of the charts, and this pop-rock band were the biggest sensation in the local scene at that time.
They had been on the cover of that music magazine several times that year. It was a typical, yet very inspiring success story:
They were from a relatively small town, released an EP and tried out breaking through the scene in the city, but it was a failure and they had decided to go back to their hometown; broke, defeated, and disappointed. On the day they were supposed to leave, a manager called them and said he believed in them, and he could arrange a major record label deal. He really did. My friend composed and wrote the lyrics to all the songs for the album, they worked with one of the best producers of the country, and their debut album was a massive success.
They started out playing at small clubs all around the country, couldn't believe the first time people sang along to their songs.
And now, they were the favorite band of so many fans, and also top sponsors, playing 25 big-production shows a month.

They came right to our table after they went off stage. They were long time fans of the queen, and they wanted to meet her. She was one of his main inspirations, and the sweet female singer of the band was no different. I can even tell she got excited the first time she met the Queen. We immediately clicked, and if someone saw us 1 hour later, they wouldn't believe that we had met just that night.
We had so much fun that night, and continued partying at the Queen's great house. We laughed, sang songs, and drank champagne until the sunrise. The Queen was making a toast, shouting: "Cheers to the band that made us excited again for the first time in a long, long time!". The singer was holding the queens' guitar right at that moment, and she started playing and singing one of the queen's classics.
The band had to go to another country in the morning, so the plan was to arrange their transportation right to the airport. I was on the phone with their tour manager, telling him not to worry, that they were drunk but I was there to make sure they left for the airport on time.
When I went back to the room after I hung up the phone, the plan had changed: The Queen also wanted to go to that show with the band.
So we did.
Following a typical evening I had left home to go to an event with the Queen, I had partied all night, not slept for 30 hours, was still drinking champagne in the plane, and going to another country to party more.

Oh I loved my life! :)

A lot happened since then.
We became very, very close friends with this band. Started going out together all the time. Most of those nights ended up at the Queen's house. We laughed and danced and drank a lot together. I witnessed countless amazing jam sessions during these spontaneously crowded parties, usually a rocker businessman would yell "let's go live!", and suddenly, all those wonderful people around me would start playing guitars or the piano, and singing all those songs that were soundtracks to my memories. I was always in awe of these valuable moments.
And sometimes, very profound conversations took place.
They had so much to talk about. Enjoying that newly earned success was one thing, but they had to face the shitty side of the industry. They were trying to figure out how to cope with all the negativity, and the Queen had gracefully overcome all those things 10 years ago, building a strong fan base, never giving in to industry impositions.
I watched how they listened to every valuable advice she gave, with sparks in their eyes.

All those days are in the past now. The Queen is in another phase in her life, and just like I am not a part of that phase, nor are the band.
I'm still close with them though, and we try to meet as often as we can. Every time, we remember those times, telling how much fun we had and what a strong figure she was in our lives, with a deep sigh.

A lot happened, and I need to tell every one of them. I just don't know where to start.

Next: The domino effect

The Alka Seltzer incident

Just like the Queen said, the concerts started soon, and we were busy again.
The first show was amazing as always. Everyone had missed working at a concert of the Queen, and the atmosphere backstage was electric.
Jenny asked me that day if the Queen had spoken to me yet. She hadn't. Jenny said she had some new plans about me.
The Queen was trembling like a leaf in the dressing room all day. I was in no position to ask her about her future plans about me. All our conversation that day was when she gave me a box of Alka Seltzer, and told me to keep it with me from now on, that she'd always drink a glass right when she's off the stage.

I was finally working as the tour manager in these concerts. The title was again never formally recognized, but I was in charge of all accommodation and transportation arrangements, supervision of backstage area, and itineraries. Arrangements in those areas was so much fun, and everything was going so smoothly that I didn't pay enough attention to the needs of the artist.
I forgot Alka Seltzer right on the second show.
In the middle of that concert, one of the rodies told me that the Queen asked for Alka Seltzer. I didn't have it with me. It was a sunday evening, all pharmacies were closed. I told the roadie she probably wanted it after the show, not right now. And I sent the driver to find a pharmacy on duty.
Right at that moment, the power on stage went off, the generator had failed. It was an extremely stressful moment, and we didn't know when the power would be back. The venue was blacked-out for at least 5 minutes. During that time, the Queen asked for Alka Seltzer again. Told the roadie that it was on the way. In reality, I was on the phone with the driver and the nearest pharmacy was 20 minutes' drive.
Of course it all got worse, and the Queen asked me on stage. this time it was me, trembling like a leaf, climbing up the stairs to the stage. Bursting flames on her eyes, she just asked me: "Do you have any idea what I've been going through right now?! "
Trying to keep calm and not to cry, I ran to Jenny, asked her what I could do. She was almost smiling, she just shrugged and told she had no idea.
Oh I hated her so much!

A lot of stressing out, trying to hold that teardrop on the corner of my eye, and 5 songs later, the driver came back with Alka Seltzer. I was waiting holding a glass when the concert was finally over. The Queen grabbed it, went into dressing room, slammed the door on my face. and started crying, I could hear it.

She called me in when she calmed down. She said:
"The most important thing to me in life is enjoying being on stage. I built all my life, all my career upon this. And tonight, for the first time in a long, long time, I hated being on stage. Can you comprehend what this means to me?"
I was out of words. I apologized and promised that would never ever going to happen again.
I arranged the transportation back to the hotel, and everyone went into their rooms. Again, I was a mess.
On the way to the airport, during the flight, and until we arrived home the next day, she never took off her huge sunglasses and didn't talk to me one word.

You can imagine how terrible I felt after this.
I was the one asking for more responsibility, and I had fucked-up on the very beginning.
Looking back now, I can see it clearly that this was much-needed. I never made a similar mistake again. Learnt the hard way that my first and foremost responsibility was to make sure the Queen had everything she needed. Tour managing had to be secondary. And I had to be more focused, and careful.

First I wrote another long mail about what happened, why it happened, and how sorry I was.
Then I decided to text her:
"I wrote a long mail but don't want to occupy you with this matter any longer. Please accept my apologies, I am very sorry for days, and I promise it will never happen again."

She replied:
"Oh my sweetie, please don't be upset. I know you very well, please don't think about what happened any longer, otherwise I will be more upset. It was just the second show, shit happens, don't worry. It will all be fine, no need for an e-mail, we will talk face to face later. Kisses xx"

I was, once again, fascinated by her character, decided NEVER to leave her, unless she wanted.

Next: Those were the days

Winning the break-up

In the next few weeks after I left the label, I was freaking out, worried that I had made a big mistake.
Trying to find out how well the label was doing compared to me, I was desperately trying to win the break-up. I wanted to be in better condition than my ex.

In reality, I was broke, had no job, nothing to do all day, had no plans of any income for the upcoming month.
On the other hand, I could die of happiness and self-proud; I liked it so much that whenever I didn't want to be somewhere, or do something, I just quit! It took a lot of courage, but guaranteed some kind of bliss.
I did it many times in my life. I just trusted my intuition, didn't really stress out about what would happen next,  wished for the best, and got out of any situation I didn't enjoy. My only goal in life has been having a peace of mind, at all times. And you can imagine what a relief it was to get rid of everything I hated at the label.

As I'd experienced it at the label with the rock band, the upcoming month would be very busy for the Queen with photo and video shoots, promotion work, and gala concerts. The first thing I did was to inform Jenny of my new decision, that I was again fully available to work for the Queen. Later I found out that Jenny never told the Queen about it.

While I was patiently waiting for a call from Jenny about video shoot and tour dates, I found out from irrevelant friends that the video had been shot already, and I learnt the dates when I saw them on Ticketmaster.

So I decided to write an e-mail to the Queen myself, and I basically told her how worried I was whether I was still a part of her crew, as I wasn't being informed about anything, and couldn't help but mention my disappointment about the thanks to list which I was not included on the album booklet. I didn't skip telling her that working for her was one of the things that I made me the happiest about my life, and that I didn't want to lose it.I told her I wanted more responsibility, I wanted to work as the tour manager, reminding some things didn't work out on the previous tour.

I immediately got a response from her, thanking sincerely for my words, telling me there was nothing to worry about, that we would soon start working again. She also apologized on her sweet mail, telling in detail how busy and exhausted they were while preparing the thanks to list, that she was deeply sorry she had forgot me along with some others.

There it was:
Everything would be alright, I was winning the break-up.
I realised it when I really no longer cared about my ex.

Next: The Alka Seltzer incident

Leaving someone who loves you...

The strongest memory I have about working at the record label of the band I told you about here is how I felt after I left.

It was like leaving someone who loves you for an impossible love affair.

I started working at that record label as the product manager and tour manager. There were so many things to do, and I had so much to learn. I was lucky that there was this great girl who was working there for a year. There were so many parties to deal with as the record label and also the management company of one of the biggest local rock bands. The label also had a great indie band, their first album had just been released and they were getting great reviews and critics.
First few weeks were great, that girl taught me all about related parties, introduced me to key contact people, explained processes about album release, office tasks, etc.
I was interacting with so many third parties, such as:

* PR Representative
* Ministry of culture
* CD production and printing companies
* Distributor company
* Publishing company
* Collecting societies
* Promoters, booking agents, venue owners
* Accounting firm, banks
* Technical crew and production team about concerts

Just as everything had started to go on track, while we were having beer on our happy hour on a friday afternoon at the office, that great girl told me it was her last day, that she had quit.

At that point, I have to tell you about "the boss". As I told before, he was the manager of bands and the general director of the label. He was 36 years old, high school friends with the band members, lived in the USA for many years to study and work at a major record label, and got back to become the band's manager.
He was an egomaniac. A control freak. He was a lonely, unhappy, dissatisfied, yet very talented and down-to-earth guy.
He liked undermining the local music industry, everyone in it, all the other artists, managers, production people... with an indescribable joy. He believed that they didn't know what they were doing, and had this crazy idea that he was ALWAYS right.
Like anyone else, people who worked for him were also never good enough, no matter how much they devote themselves to work.
I also found him highly hypocritical. He was best friends with all these local music industy people he hated.
Maybe it was because of one of the unwritten rules of working in music business: Always be on good terms with everyone, you can never know when or how someone might help you in your job. Personally I just couldn't stick with that rule, pretending has never been my thing.

But it would be unfair not to mention his know-how about music business. He had experience and great insight about almost every aspect of the industry, and I learnt a lot from him.

Anyway, this mighty boss had exhausted my sweet mentor-friend, and literally consumed her. She wasn't enjoying her job anymore, tired of not being appreciated, feeling that she deserved more.
She was in her mid-30s, had quit her career in finance at the age of 30, she was looking for more. We tossed for her last day at work that afternoon in the office, listening to Amy Winehouse. I thanked her for everything she had taught me. She continued to be a great support since then. I called her everytime I was freaking out to find out how some particular thing was done. She's still a very dear friend of mine. After working in the business for another couple of years, she moved back with her mom, now lives in a great town seaside, works at a completely different sector. She's one of the happiest people I know.

After she left, I was the only person in that "record label" for a while. My typical day at this record label was something like this:

I opened the office at 10 am. Made coffee, checked mails, made a checklist until the boss arrives.
I answered phones and doors all day.
He usually came to the office around 1 pm, unless he had a meeting. We went through daily jobs.
I made and received phone calls and e-mails from the companies and people I listed above all day. It was extremely busy. I was following-up about promotion activities, CD production, bureaucratic procedures, and daily office tasks.
I was also serving tea and coffee, or ordering lunch for our guests at the office.
At the end of the day, I loaded the dishwasher, put garbage out, and left the office at 7 pm.
If any of the bands had a concert, I was also working there as the tour manager.


On October 2008, we went to Berlin with the boss, to attent Popkomm , It was my first time in Berlin, and it was an entirely amazing experience. I visited many companies and met people who visited us in that exhibition, and I attented many seminars about digital music marketing, 360 degree deals, soundtracks, royalty collections, etc. We went to parties, concerts with the boss at nights. He was only fun to hang out with when he was drunk :)

After we came back, I was just at the point of losing it, begging the boss to hire new people everyday, and he hired 2 interns. They were sweet and smart girls with some experience and relevant education. Things got much easier and much more fun then, and I sometimes felt like they were looking up to me, learning things from me. I enjoyed it so much.

The boss also looked happy. After a very busy and successful week of an album release, two tv shoots and a big concert for 30 thousand people,  he thanked me said "the total of what these two girls do cannot even sum up to half of what you've been doing". I will always remember this as one of the best compliments I've ever received. Maybe I remember it that clearly because it well might be the only good thing he has ever said to me.
Usually we just talked about himself and his thoughts and stories of his glorious life in the States. I worked so hard for everything about the band, but whenever an important meeting was held, or whenever it was time to celebrate, I was left out. They all treated me like a secretary sometimes. My ideas, my vision, personality, goals didn't matter to them. It didn't have to, of course, but then I didn't have to be by their side.

What I actually enjoyed doing, tour managing, was the smallest part of my job. I had become an office person, going to meetings, living everyday just like the previous one. That great band image I was such a fan of, disappeared day by day, in front of my eyes. Witnessing their every moment, I couldn't help but compare them to my metal band and the rockstar. It was disappointing to see that they were not enjoying what they were going through, they were literally rock stars, taking themselves a little too seriously. I wasn't a fan anymore.

During our first conversation about this job with the boss, I had told him that I wasn't thinking of quitting my other bands. I explained that they weren't planning of doing anything for at least 6 months, and I was fully available during that time, didn't promise anything for afterwards.
6 months passed quicker than I thought, and I found myself at a very familiar point:
I was exhausted, consumed, wasn't enjoying my job anymore, tired of not being appreciated, feeling that I deserved more.

It was obvious that I wasn't happy there anymore, when he asked what was wrong I told him I wanted to quit. He couldn't believe it! How could anyone want to leave his bands and his label! He asked me to stay a bit longer. I accepted, but then we agreed that it wouldn't be productive at all. So I left.

It was like leaving someone who loves you for an impossible love affair.

It felt like I had left a lover, who needed me and loved me. It was like a safe, caring, and boring relationship I was trying to get out of, just to run to the arms of my long-lasting love I wasn't able to forget, who never let me feel secure. Who I was afraid of losing, with whom I felt the absolute completeness.

Like it always happens in such stories, the one I left  forgot about me very quickly, and found someone else. One of the interns got my position at the record label, and she did just fine. They went to a European tour just after I left. I followed them on Facebook, looking at the pictures of technical crew having fun in Amsterdam.

The other one, my love, my passion, my dear female rock star released a new album just around these days. I bought it the day it came out. Excited, I ripped off the gelatine, checked "thanks to list".
Everyone was on that list.
The driver, hair stylist, lighting designer, all the roadies... everyone.
I wasn't.

Next: Winning the break-up

Star Struck

All the time I've worked with the artists I've told you so far, I had never been starstruck. It naturally felt normal  - and yet, extremely cool, fun and inspiring - to be around artists.

But there was this one band, which had been my all time favourite. I had grown up listening to them, being a fan all through their journey to fame.
Their first album was released when I was thirteen. It was nothing like what was around in local music scene. And as much as I like international bands, let's face it, there's nothing quite like the feeling, when you listen to a good song in your native language. It somehow resonates more with you.
I've listened to them and followed them for 15 years. All through this time, their songs became soundtracks to my memories. I used to write on their guestbook, which was very primitive (it was 1999, we didn't even have MySpace then!) but the friendliest virtual space I've ever been in. After I moved here, I went to several concerts of them and enjoyed every one of them. I witnessed the songs on their 4th album, and all their albums after that becoming huge hits. They changed the local music industry for good. Rock bands became more popular than ever. They started to sell much more, tour more, earn more, and they simply became the biggest band in the country.
But they never did anything uncool. I guess that's why I still like them so much.
Instead of changing their lifestyle after this great success, they put all they had back into music, and started a record label. They released their own albums, and helped great emerging bands in their stepping into music business.

Now, this label was looking for a product and tour manager. As I told in the Working at a Venue post, I'd met their manager, who was the managing director of their record label. He was one of the band's closest friends from highschool, studied marketing in the States, worked in a major record label there, and came back just to manage the band.  The day I worked as the backstage manager in their concert at the venue, I told him I'd be very interested in this position. We quickly set up a meeting.

It was a great meeting. We knew each other, and we had already worked together. I told him what I had been doing for the last 4 years, showed him the tourbooks and itineraries I had prepared, and how much I liked the band and wanted to work for them. I immediately started working there.

The day I met the band the first time, I was a little bit star struck, for the first and last time during my career.

Next: Leaving someone who loves you...

Working at a venue

Once more, a long tour was over, and our artist had gone away. There were no plans of a new show or tour for at least 6 months, and after that, studio time would start for a new album.
Long story short, I was unemployed, and had no saving at all, as I stupidly accepted working for a ridiculously low fee for that tour.


I definitely had a love-hate relationship with Jenny. After all our conflicts on the tour, she referred me to the manager of a big venue, who was looking for a backstage and artist coordinator for their summer season. The pay was very poor, but it would be an invaluable experience for me.
The first time I went to meet the manager, I thought I was going to a job interview, but instead, he just said welcome to our team, and handed me the all access badge which already had my name on it. 


It was a great open air venue with a capacity of 20K and the most beautiful backstage area I had ever seen with many dressing rooms, spacious catering areas, a small garden, adequate shower and restroom facilities. And it was run by the biggest promotion company here.


Basically my job was to fulfill backstage riders, and host artist crew in the venue. 
I reviewed riders, negotiated with the catering company, forwarded catering quotes to manager, got rejected every time, negotiated again, contacted tour managers and worked with them through advancing (I sent them all the necessary info about the venue, backstage drawing, even the menus to be served, for their confirmation). When artist crew arrived, I met them in the venue, arranged merchandising, meet&greet, helped them in all kinds of situations, in all their last minute requests, and translated for them whenever needed. 
Of course I didn't do everything by myself, we had a large production team and runners. Everyday I was amazed how things were running so smoothly when everything is handled professionally.


I met and worked with great people such as Martin Walker (Judas Priest), Tracy Fraser (Björk), Steve Ricalis (Mike Knopfler), Amanda Cunningham and Dana Pennington (Lenny Kravitz) to name a few. 
Of course it was not always a bed of roses, but paying attention to details always helped. Even providing the requested brand of soap for the artist would make a huge difference.

Although I've always dreamt of working within an international crew, and touring all over the world, I didn't even tell anything about this to those people I worked with that summer. I was so happy working with my local artists that hunting for other opportunities didn't even cross my mind. Very stupid of me. 

I also worked with almost all the artists in the local music industry. In those shows, along with the usual backstage management, I was in charge of production, and coordination of local production crews. I started to get familiar with technical production riders. It was the summer of 2008, and we held events starting with  concerts of local bands, and then we broadcast FIFA World Cup matches on the giant screen set up on the stage.
And of course, this experience was a great opportunity for networking, which is always said to be one of the most important things about a music industry career. Indeed, one of the artist managers I met there hired me in a few months, but I'm going to tell about this in the next post.


That summer, I learnt what it meant to work on the promoter side of an event, depending on a limited budget, being the party that does not request things, but fulfills requests. 
I also learnt how to use walkie talkies effectively, working at such a huge venue with a very crowded local crew consisting of venue management, promotion company representatives, PR team, production crew, site managers, ticketing and box office staff, security, and paramedics. Before every show, I watched the venue manager giving great speeches to these teams in the pre-event meetings, explaining the importance of the event, and his expectations from every individual team. I was fascinated by those speeches everytime, imagined myself giving such a speech one day. 


Yes, everything was great, I was learning so much, but I decided to quit.
I worked there 2 months that summer, everyday, under the sun at 35 C, for at least 12 hours. We had an event every other day, but usually I had to be there on those days in-between for preperations as well. I was exhausted, lost 15 pounds, and I was struggling to even pay the rent.


But that's not why I quit.


The metal band was playing at a festival, and leaving for another city at night, for a second festival. But I had to be at the venue to work at a local event of a pop singer. I had told the manager that I had to go to that other city with the metal band as their tour manager, and although he'd said I could go before, he changed his mind on the show day, and told me to stay. 
But I didn't. I couldn't. I made sure everything was arranged, let artist manager and all relevant crew know that I had to go, appointed someone to take care of backstage aftershow, and when the concert started, I left after saying goodbye to the manager, and thanking him for everything.


I went to the festival site while my band was playing their last song. They were all very happy to see me backstage after the show, We immediately set off for the next city, didn't sleep at all, spent the trip drinking and chatting all night.
It felt like I was back home, with my family, after a great vacation.

Next: Star Struck

Another tour

The female rock star had another one-month-long tour in the summer of 2008. I was so happy when I got this news, cos I could finally work as a "tour manager", not "backstage assistant" with that rockstar with all the experience I had gained.

Excited about the opportunity, I talked to Jenny about it. And she said it was impossible because:
- I didn't have what it took to be a tour manager
- A tour manager had to be expert on all aspects of production, including technical stuff
- Tour manager had to be hired by the promoter, not the artist, so that in case of any problems, Jenny could argue with another party

To me, all these were complete, utter bullshit.
But I just couldn't convince Jenny. She also told me that she didn't need an assistant anymore, so she cut off my pay by half.

It felt like she was trying to make me quit. At the end of that conversation, while I was trying to digest what I'd just heard, she told that this was just business, and if I didn't want to work as backstage assistant, I was free to go. Knowing that I was attached to everyone in the crew and this job much more beyond than "just business", I couldn't believe how she could offer me something like this.
I didn't even think of quitting, I felt like I had no other choice, and accepted to work as a backstage assistant.

As Jenny was still on maternity leave, she appointed the assistant of another artist manager to work on this tour on her behalf, and the promoter company hired a tour manager. Two complete strangers to the crew.

On the morning of the first day of the tour, while I was getting ready to leave for airport, I received a bulk sms from Jenny, informing everyone that I was just a backstage assistant, other two people would be responsible for everything. I avoided even having eye contact to anyone from the crew at the airport, because the moment someone would have told me something about that sms, my chin would start trembling.


As a  habit from last year, everyone was still asking everything to me on the first days of the tour. And telling them I didn't know, that it was not my job anymore made me feel terrible.

The assistant girl was as unprepared as I told I was in this post, and the tour manager was the most annoying person on earth. He always wore suits, had a terrible attitude especially towards technical crew, and he liked drinking the band's Jack Daniels during concerts.
I confirmed how appropriate my rule of never drinking while working was, as I watched him every night, trying to have a decent conversation with important industry people and sponsors backstage, unable to even pronounce his name.

One day, the artist said she needed to go to sauna after the show, and when we went back to the hotel, she found out that sauna was closed, such a request wasn't made to the hotel manager. She just said to the assistant girl: "I will be at the sauna in 10 minutes, fix this" and walked away.
While the assistant was struggling to convince the reception guy to open the sauna, and getting the same answer everytime she asked, I approached another hotel worker, told how urgent the situation was, he put me through to the night manager, I convinced him, found out where sauna key was and who could open it, and 10 minutes later, I met the artist in sauna entrance. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel useless.

Just a couple of days later, the tour manager had a terrible arrangement about transportation, and a band member had to drive 15 hours by himself and play a show that same night.

After this, as I also knew Jenny was receiving complaints from the crew, I told her I wanted my old responsibilities back. She said she couldn't pay me for this, I accepted to work for backstage assistant salary anyway.

During the rest of the tour, the other two became best friends, enjoyed touring life without working, and I kept arranging everything, answering every question with a huge smile on my face.

Next: Working at a venue

One long month

The most difficult time I had in this job was that one month after Jenny had her son.

I had her laptop and blackberry with me, I was answering her phone, checking her mails, and dealing with many offers for the next summer tour of the female rock star. Yes, she was also working as the booking agent, and there it was: one more thing in this industry I knew nothing about.
I carefully read Jenny's pre-booking correspondences, and listened to her many times when she was talking to promoters on the phone. After a couple of  phone calls and emails, there was nothing to be worried about.

I had to answer many phone calls from unknown numbers, all they asked was : "How much is that artist? I need to confirm this show in 2 hours!"
Confirming a show in such a short time was impossible, at least for our artist.
I asked all the callers to write an email with the following info:
* Anticipated date and place of the concert
* Detailed pictures of the venue (pictures from past events and CAD drawings and floor plan including backstage areas, if available would be great)
* Sound and lighting company and their equipment list
* Anticipated ticket prices
* Target ticket sales
* Info on sponsors, if any
* PR planning of the show

Even requesting such a mail would eliminate at least half of the callers, and only after that, could we present the offer to the artist, and calculate an appropriate artist fee, and respond the promoter with that quote plus our requirements.


I was also working on the metal band's gala concert after the release of their dvd.
As a gift to fans, we gave away the dvd with the concert ticket. We planned a special show, with 8 top local artists covering the band's classical songs, each coming to the stage as a surprise during the band's performance. I arranged all these artists (confirmation, rehearsals, show day transportation, backstage riders, etc.) and took care of many other things on the show day. I felt like I was juggling.

For my hard work of that month, Jenny and I agreed on a salary which was quite moderate.
We were partners with the promoters in this concert, which meant the band would have a share in the revenue after break-even. And Jenny got paid as the 6th band member.
Before the concert, I'd asked her if she could pay me more if the show was a huge success. She replied: "How much money I make is none of your business".

Although it was a great concert, it wasn't a huge success, the venue was half empty.
Then Jenny asked me if it was OK to pay me a little less than we agreed as the show was a disappointment, and naturally I replied: "I thought your income was none of my business".

This was it.
This was the breaking point in our relationship with Jenny.
She immediately paid me in full, but things would never be the same after that.

Next: Another Tour

Labor Pain

Writing this blog, I remember all the good times I had in these past 4 years. I go through emails to remember events correctly, watch interviews and live footage of these artists from those years. The reason I started writing was that I'd decided to quit, and I was going to tell how I got there. But it's getting into me so much that I may have to reconsider my decision of quitting.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this blog at least half as much as I enjoy writing.

As I told in the previous post, I worked on the metal band's concerts and projects, and went on another big tour with the rockstar. Between those two, Jenny gave birth to her child but didn't work actively in the first few months of the baby. She was half-back, with a severe baby blues and aggression at the same time. And that's when the problems started.

In late 2007, the metal band kept playing one-offs. We also went to play at a heavy metal festival in eastern Europe as a small entourage: 5 band members, me, the roadie and the fotographer. I think this is the ideal definition of a very small crew. Things didn't go very well technically, but at least we have cool photos of that tour :)

The festival was a disaster, there were around 3.000 people against an expectation of 15.000, the "promoter" was a 25 year old kid, who had just bankrupt, exhausted mentally and physically, but still trying to make the festival happen, convince bands to play, as a metal lover. I tried my best to at least refund the expenses, but it was clearly impossible. I explained the situation to the band who were enjoying a great hotel in a beautiful city -all the promoter could cover were all our hotel extras. All of it. Got it? :)-, excited to play to a foreign crowd in a couple of hours. They said fuck it, let's play, and they did. The sound, the crowd, the concert in general was terrible, but somehow we managed to have a good time.
A few months later, when we had all forgot about it, I received a cheque from the promoter covering all the expenses.

Then the DVD madness began. Although I had done a lot, taking so much responsibility in a few months, I was still a beginner. I had absolutely no idea what releasing a dvd was all about, or what I had to do as the artist party representative.
Jenny spent the last month of her pregnancy at the hospital, in bed; she had hypertension and preeclampsia, she strictly had to avoid excessive motion and stress, or she could lose the baby.
So I had to work as the general coordinator of the dvd process, with the local division of an international major record label. I went to PR meetings, gathered all the info about interview and media coverage offers, label meetings about timetable, audio and visual material, contracts, payments, royalties, etc.
Every two or three days, I went to see Jenny in the hospital. After long conversations about local music industry, life, pregnancy, future projects, I'd share all the info I'd gathered, and she would make comments and suggestions. Then I talked to the band, dealt with all studio time - the band was rehearsing for gala concert of dvd- and arranged tv, radio and press interviews and went with them to every one of them. I arranged the photo shoot, had consent letters signed, etc. It required hard work to arrange everything to go smoothly, and although the paperwork went ok, the artistic aspect of the project was much different. The lead gutiarist of the band was also the director of the dvd, and he wanted everything to be perfect so bad, that we had to postpone release date a couple of times.

And after all that, I had learnt what releasing a dvd  was all about. It was so much like giving birth in several ways. We had labor pain until we saw the dvd on the shelves.

Around exactly the same time, while the band was interviewing for their cover story on Rolling Stone, Jenny gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy.

Next: One Long Month

"You're the only person I know..."

So, back to the story:

I had learnt that that Jenny was pregnant.
During the next 10 months, I went on a club tour, and a few one-offs here and abroad with the metal band, I worked in their dvd release project, premiere concert of that dvd, and a second big tour with the female star, all without Jenny.

As I told before, that metal band's shows were always so much fun to work on. We had booked a 7-show club tour, which depended on ticket sales and in the end, the revenue almost only covered the expenses and crew fees. I booked hotels, flights, nightliners, turned that itinerary template of mine, which I was very proud of, into a tourbook with some extra stuff. Informed the crew and all parties involved, followed-up promotion work, made suggestions if needed. We met at Jenny's home now and then, I showed her what I'd been doing about the tour, she would give feedback and make suggestions. We also prepared excel sheets for the tour budget together, so that I could do the accounting during the tour. I worked with a production manager this time, who was a great help.

After two weeks of advancing work, we were ready to set off for the first gig.
Their tourbus was always so much fun. Some members of the band enjoyed playing PS games, holding tournaments among the whole crew, listening to classical heavy metal songs together, having great conversations about the songs, old times, memories, watching YouTube videos together, etc. on the upper deck, and others would have great appetizers and drinks downstairs, again along with great conversation.
They were extremely talented musicians. It was always great pleasure to watch their soundcheck. They would sometimes improvize great stuff on stage during soundcheck. We, as the crewmembers, used to enjoy witnessing it.

Following one of those great soundchecks in the first city of the tour, the show was also amazing. Except, in the end of the show, while the band was greeting the audience after the encore, the vocalist fell down the stage and some stage gear slit his leg. I was shocked, when I saw the band coming down from the stage, one of them in bloods but still smiling, He was so drunk that he wasn't feeling the pain yet, which was a good thing, 'cos it would be terrible if he had panicked.

It was the end of a long day, I had a minibus ready at the back entrance of that small club, I had an injured, drunk and calm artist, four other terrified band members, technical crew rushing backstage, worried, a few girl friends who were there to party aftershow and they were just trying to see the wound now, club owner and promoter all in the tiny dressing room, and tens of fans waiting in front of backstage for autographs.

I just took a deep breath, and started orginizing things:

I kindly told everyone who didn't have anything to do there to go out.
I asked the promoter to take the injured artist to the nearest private hospital, I told the production manager to go with them and made sure he had money with him. I also asked the first roadie to take care of load-out.
I sent the band and the crew to the hotel through the back entrance. I told the driver to come back for me and the roadies after dropping them to the hotel.
Then I talked to the fans waiting outside, told them the band was gone, and I went to the hotel, waited in the lobby to hear from the production manager.

While I was waiting, the sound engineer, who is now one of my closest friends, came sat next to me, told me how cool it was that I stayed calm and took care of everything backstage, and then said
"You're the only person I know in this industry, who has come that far in such a short time. You've had an amazing leap in your career, and we all see it. You're amazing"

One hour later, the vocalist and the production manager came to the hotel. The singer was now sober and in pain, had 17 stiches, but he was fine. He also got the artist treatment at hospital, as the intern who did stiches turned out to be a huge fan, upset that he missed the show because of his shift.

We had to postpone rest of the tour for 2 weeks. So my tourbook was now useless with all the info it had in it. We printed an updated tourbook for everyone, put a bandaid on it, and rest of the tour went just fine.

Next: Labor Pain

Some video recommendations

I want to take a pause from telling the story for a while, and share some videos with you.

Today, while I was watching Queen's Rock Montreal:

And staring at the screen exactly like this:

I received a mail from FTTS, a wonderful website I just discovered.

They just put my blog on their front page!

Thank you so much to the guys at Friends To The Stars,a great resource for anyone thinking of entering music industry.


I track visitors to Backstage Life, and everyday, I am amazed looking at the visitors map.

You out there, reading these lines from USA, UK, Netherlands, Finland, Brazil, Russia, Indonesia, Belgium, Canada and many more countries, thank you for reading my semi-therapeutical kind-of autobiography.


Here are some amazing youtube links for you:


RUSH S&A Tour - Concert Tech Documentary - Fun to watch for anyone who's ever been backstage during production set-up

Inside Rolling Stones - NatGeo Documentary on Rio Concert - One of the two reasons why I decided I wanted to work in this business. Amazing documentay, definitely a must-watch. Here is just a trailer:



Iron Maiden Backstage Secrets 2009  - funny insider stories from Iron Maiden crew, a look at backstage life in their world.

Madonna - I'm going to tell you a secret - the second reason why I wanted to work backstage. Here is only the trailer, but you must see the full dvd

Please don't hesitate to send the link if there are any similar videos you'd like to recommend. 

Next: "You're the only person I know..."